Since arriving in Uganda, I’ve developed an onslaught of symptoms that begin to raise concerns about my health. Initial doctors in Uganda, said not to worry it is just a cultural change. But, knowing my body, I felt that I should seek a second opinion. So while here in South Africa I saw a specialist. After several tests, he acknowledged something is definitely wrong and sent me on to another specialist. I’m hardly a hypochondriac, and to be honest the possibility was pretty minute, nevertheless, when unsure of the future, once can not stop the mind from pondering over all the potential scenarios, that life might go. One lesson we get as you get older is; you begin to learn how life can change dramatically in a single moment of time. So what if my life was to dramatically change in a single moment?
What if I didn’t have as many “tomorrows” as I thought I did? Not really feeling like I was at death’s door, but nevertheless I thought, at age 27, if I wasn’t going to see a ripe old age, what changes would I make in my life right now? I rarely sit around and think about my own mortality and like your average 20-something, I’m not quite thinking about retirement plans yet. But, in light of this new perspective, I realized the answer was - nothing. And, that realization shocked me. Health permitting, I would choose to keep on with my endeavors in Uganda. I would still pay that money to fly back to the United States for my friends wedding, I would still choose that family vacation and
The only thing that I would maybe consider is not continuing on with my Masters in Business program. However, I would probably consider continuing working on my degree in Theology. One should never stop pursuing God. And gaining knowledge of God is the first step in knowing God. It is and will be an eternal pursuit, I think.
You always hear about those people who at the end of their life, wished that they had given up the pursuit wealth and “things.” They wished they had spent more time with their friends and family. And in light of my life through the lens of death, I realize that I have put relationships first….. so far. Should I pat myself on the back that, the thought of death would not force a radical change in my life? That my choices and priorities are correctly aligned in light of human frailty and mortality? And it is true that often, more than some, I have always assessed my life in each moment in light of eternity. And assessed each choice in light of James 4:14 which says our existence here is but a “mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes”. Plenty of writers in both the Old and New Testament refer to our lives as David did in Psalms as nothing more than “a single breath.“ In light of eternity, the difference between a person that lives 30 years and him that lives 70 years is really quite insignificant.
Now don’t going thinking that I am all noble and everything. In this rare moment of introspection; in light of thoughts of mortality, I am sad to think what future may be missed. And to be truly honestly, I think maybe I am just not old enough yet to have acquired such common distractions – like the pursuit of wealth instead of relationships. Maybe if I picked up a mortgage and a few kids, my focus would lose some of that eternal perspective and readjust a focus onto the material world. One can not guess what choices I will make a few years from now. Regardless, of what future might hold, assessment is always valuable and sometimes we need a little reminder how short our wick really is.
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