Nothing but a Nub

Before, I came to the Mission Field, and actually long before I knew that I would soon find myself in Africa, I wrote a Blog on Myspace called Is Your Faith Big Enough to Remain Nameless? It talked about that the call to Christ is the call to sacrifice. That walking in God’s purposes more often than not will not bring glory, nor is there any glamour in it. It was a piece of writing that I still pull out to remind me of my calling, align my perspective, and motivate my vision. Nevertheless, personal experience on the mission field has redefined my definition of what real sacrifice looks like and feels like.

I really only have a few stories from the mission field that are truly life-threatening or crisis-occurring experiences. The fact is that I’ve discovered that the hardest trial is that one which takes a little something from you day by day by day. The string of circumstances that individually hardly bare significance, but combined can equal big sacrifice. The lesser trial is the one time big sacrifice. Because, the fact is that after one big loss, the rest of your energy can be then focused fully on recovery. Or after the one big sacrifice, maybe you can get the human praise and encouragement after, that serves as a reward.

What is truly hard about the mission field is that the daily wearing down of your will and emotions. The mission field is like sand paper on your life. Culture and Circumstances that slowly whittle away at your patience, whittle away at your grace, whittle away at your energy, and may even whittle away at your joy, if you let it. The fact is that after six months in Africa, I can not point to one thing that was too hard to overcome or one thing that would force me to walk away. It’s never ONE thing. Instead it’s the daily occurrences that rub on you day in and day out, until ultimately you are “rubbed” down to nothing more than a nub. So here I am, nothing but a Nub. But, I think God can use a Nub.

Always Practical

What is your favorite color? Everyone has a response to that question. I’m sure your response is rarely significant. However, I remember back in Junior High and even high school my response was always “Green” - which was a complete and total lie. The fact was I loved everything red! But, I wouldn’t say that because I always felt that red wasn’t a practical color. Furthermore, I sure wouldn’t think to buy something red – as much as a favored it. Black and White seemed much more practical for sheets, furniture, dishes, etc.

And even now, I see myself doing the same thing, but on a much larger scale of course. For example, I thought as much as I would really love to live downtown and have a truly urban lifestyle, I would never choose that because why pay twice as much money for half as much space, purely for appearance sake. And it didn’t matter how much I really wanted that experience in my life, I would ultimately never do it. But, as of this last month I finally thought, why not? Why automatically remove the impractical choice, without even a second thought?

I feel like I should psycho-analyze why I feel like I must always give a practical answer or make the practical choice. Fact is, I don’t know why and instead of spending time figuring out why, this year I am going to endeavor to choose what I want, even if it’s not the most practical choice. This doesn’t mean I won’t continue to make responsible decisions, but I think that a string of practical decisions may result in a successful life, but may not result in a happy one. Hopefully, I’ll have the boldness to test the theory.